Limbo

Utterly despondent. Woke at 4:30am and couldn't sleep. Low mood throughout the day, lifting slightly towards the evening. A black, heavy sensation which seems to drag, inexplicably, on my parital lobes. Anhedonic. Just hit up the radio to be hit full on by Jools Holland. Sycophantic smirking midget. Didn't help, didn't help at all. I've honestly felt better in the throes of gastroenteritis. The gastroenteritis that I caught from letting a tramp's dog lick my face. O.K., the gastroenteritis I caught from a tramp's dog letting me lick it's face. Whatever. And I'll feel fine in the morning. I'll be idiotically chipper. Someone's coming to the house to look at the boiler in the morning and I'll probably offer to make him tea (which he'll refuse), ask him how my boiler works (which I don't give shit about, as long as he keeps coming to fix it) and tell him about my cats (which he won't give a shit about). Fuck it, I know what was worse. I once drank a bottle of Lizard Wine with a freind. I tried to eat the lizard, only managed a foot, then threw it at a couple of students. It tasted like death. It made my brain feel like it was made of lead. The lead that the Russians dumped on Chernobyl from helicopters to soak up the radiation and heat. That was worse.